I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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