Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
