How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
