TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
