the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
