I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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