I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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