I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's blow job season.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
