Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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