The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
