I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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