my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
