Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
two words: eviction party
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
