Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
