as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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