goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
