That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
