I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
