i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
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Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
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I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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