i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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