My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
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as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
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Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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