I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
