i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
