got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
