masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
