I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
