remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
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he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
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I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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