I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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