You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
