dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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