so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
