fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
