And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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