Who did Billy Mays play for?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
