If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
