it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
