Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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