Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
