we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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