I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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