I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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