Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
