Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
