So drunk its hurt
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
