had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
