In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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