I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
