Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
