Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
