I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
