should my penis look like a turkey
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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