During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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