Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My bed smells like the plague
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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