There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
