you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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