Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
