PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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