I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
