I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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