This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I party with great urgency now.
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