did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
