if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
