You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
