He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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