we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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