so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
