Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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