Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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