I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
