He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
