It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
