So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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