Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
