Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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