There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
