I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
