im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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