ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
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Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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