I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
